radical acceptance

What first comes to mind when someone suggests accepting reality? Oftentimes, acceptance is misinterpreted to mean giving approval of a situation or giving up on change. 

Think of this example: Your doctor just diagnosed you with high blood pressure. You may not approve of the fact that you have this condition, but you can accept it. If you don’t accept it, how likely is it that you will take steps to lower your blood pressure? If you believe this shouldn’t have happened to you, how does that make you feel? Now imagine you accept the diagnosis. How does accepting reality change how you might respond? How might you feel differently?

Radical acceptance is a method coined by Marsha Linehan, the founder of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, meaning accepting reality with your whole mind, body, and soul and opening yourself to fully experiencing reality as it is in this one moment. 

Accept reality as it is in this moment?! Oof, my anxiety brain doesn’t like that. What if I want to change something? Doesn’t that mean I need to analyze everything leading up to this point, and then think about every possible situation that might happen so I’m 100% prepared for anything at all times and avoid all this painful stuff in the future?! After all, this shouldn’t have happened! Cue the guilt/anger/resentment, etc. Okay, this is where I tell my anxiety brain thank you for your input, but please step to the side for a few minutes. 

It’s clear that sometimes I don’t like reality and it can be painful, so why should I practice accepting it? :

-Rejecting or denying reality doesn’t change reality.

-Changing reality requires first accepting reality.

-Pain in life cannot be avoided. 

-If we take pain and add nonacceptance, we end up with suffering. 

-Accepting reality can bring freedom.

-Acceptance may lead to sadness or disappointment, but deep calm and unburdening usually follows. 

When you are stuck in distress, or problem solving isn’t working for you, radical acceptance skills can be very useful. Radically accepting yourself and your reality allows space to focus on what you can control and to help you move through life in a nonjudgmental way. 

So, my challenge for you is to accept these facts^ …and then acknowledge what facts you might not be accepting in your own life. 

Hint: pay attention to those pesky “should” statements - those are red flags of nonacceptance! What do you notice if you practice letting go of those shoulds, and instead accepting what is?