there’s a 90 second rule for emotions?
I find myself returning with my clients to this neurological concept of the “90 second rule” for our emotions.
According to research conducted by Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor in her book, My Stroke of Insight, the body psychosomatically responds to a ‘triggering’ situation for a mere 90 seconds. Hence, the birth of the “90-second rule”.
She writes:
“Once triggered, the chemical released by my brain surges through my body and I have a physiological experience. Within 90 seconds from the initial trigger, the chemical component of my anger has completely dissipated from my blood and my automatic response is over.”
So, why then, do I feel like NO emotion EVER has only lasted for 90 seconds?!
This is where the distinction between our automatic physiological response to a trigger—also known as ‘flight or fight’—and our thought response to a trigger, is crucial to keep in mind.
Dr. Taylor explains, “any remaining emotional response (after the 90 seconds) is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop.”
We can all agree this is wildly way easier said than done, and of course there are times our emotional response will last way longer (and that is normal and ok).
I think it can be empowering to realize we, as humans, have the opportunity to chose to stay in, say, an anger response, or we can allow the reaction to subside naturally (after 90 seconds) and then get curious. It is in this space, between reaction and response, we can chose how to proceed; we can chose to continue to engage with the automatic reaction, or we can take the time to use some tools to de-escalate and become curious about the trigger itself.
An example of how this works in real life? Let’s try to break it down and see what happens:
Wakes up in morning and sees partner left dirty dishes in sink and on counter (ugh!)
Feels hot in the face and notices tightness starting to build in chest
recognize body is responding to a trigger and allow body to feel it’s feels for a few minutes (90 seconds if we want to be real “type A” here and set a timer)
take some deep breaths (& grab coffee- necessary) and get curious by asking, “why did seeing dirty dishes trigger me in this way?”, “what narratives do I have connected to dirty dishes?”,“what is the meaning behind these dirty dishes my brain is trying to create?” (answer in my case: partner doesn’t care about me or our house, so left without cleaning)
here’s where I get to chose my response. Shall I continue to focus on this and further the narrative that my partner doesn’t care? (hello body anger response on repeat) Or do I decide I can either clean the dishes myself or wait to ask my partner to help later in the day?
There is absolutely no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ response to what we call our ‘triggers’, but I do believe this 90-second rule gives us permission to allow the reactive feeling to flow through our bodies (as it will do, no matter how hard we try to suppress it), and then allow us to learn from it.
If we allow our “wild selves” to exist, this “rule” could actually work. Why not give it a try?
—Marie Gray LPC-S Tx Lic 71945